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Steady Ground
by Nicola
Rating: PG
When he's with Sarah, Todd feels that he is on steady ground. The world still spins beneath his feet, but its orbit is slow and imperceptible. He can close his eyes and feel perfectly still. Straight lines ruled carefully outwards, forming tunnels and roads and the perfect boxes of identical houses; rectangles and triangles, outlining a future he can rely on.
Outside of the Street, away from Sarah, when he's alone, he feels on the brink of stumbling. Constantly: the ground tilting beneath his feet, pushing out from under him, creating a falling sensation that he can't quite escape. His heart races for no reason, slamming against his chest; he smiles too much, teeth clenched and urging to bite.
When he's with Karl, it's even worse, because he's running. The ground is moving-tilting-pushing back and forth, but he's running as fast as he can. In spite of it, or because of it. Stillness isn't even a possibility when Karl kisses him; it's all falling and catching. Slammed doors, stolen kisses, and it always feels like it's Karl's hands pushing him.
May 2004
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